blank page. forgiveness. philippians.

a blank page
a canvas of future wonder
what can I say of the past
nothing
because it is what it should be
the past
the pain
the hurt
the abuse
the call
the wander
the return home
the beauty of forgiveness
the assurance of a new life
the peace in understanding the depths
of brokenness
and the lengths He will go to
to mend me
I'm not alone
I never have been
I don't understand it
I never will
until I see Him
until I see my true Daddy's face
all that's lost and in speculation
will be made bright and clear
two things I know
He is good
and He loves me
He also makes beauty from the brokenness
and this is where I rest
where I choose to forgive
yes, even forget
because I press on
towards the upward call of
God in Christ Jesus
and Christ Jesus in me
I forgive you
Yes I forgive you
because He forgave entirely
in this I am free
this blank page
a canvas of future wonder
it is here that I leave you
praying you will someday
choose the path
of a pure, blank page
of new life and forgiveness too

your Daddy's heart. zephaniah. ephesians.

Seeing you sit

seeing you wrestle

seeing you squirm from My arms

all I want is to hold you

and bring you near

but My glory makes you so alarmed

I love you every second

in the wandering and the waiting

I see your confused heart

so much pain and hurt your contemplating

I stay awake at night as the moon rises and you rest

that moment so precious to Me when you finally close your eyes and trust

breathing deep with no fear in your mind

you leave the lies and anxieties of your day behind

If only you would trust that I want that for you every second

No fear, no worry of displeasure

from a Father who adores you

I've never left your side

from the moment you received your gift of Christ

Child, I look at you with such a smile

Your Mine

How could I not want you to be near

I'm your Daddy, the one whos supposed to wipe your tears

I've  delighted in you for years

dont you see Me

dont you know Me

I'm not what you've made Me out to be

I sacrificied it all, so My glory you could see

The glory of My son and of His resurrection

who redeemed you back to perfection

I've got so much to tell you child

if you would just trust

I will love you with a pure and everlasting love

so seeing you sit

seeing you wrestle

breaks My heart

if you knew the Daddy I was you wouldnt squirm from My arms

I'll sit right here and watch you as I wait

to see you transform into the beautiful child

who trusts Me and doesnt hesitate

to come into My presence

to dance and rejoice with Me 

that I am yours now and my Son has set you free

the Daddy who delights in our emotions. psalms.

You take account and put my tears in Your bottle, are they not in Your book. psalm 56:8

One thing I've realized in the last few months is that, as women, we are somewhat afraid and at times even ashamed of our emotions. Whether its a dad that told us that we were "too emotional" or a boyfriend or our mom it wounded us write down to the core. It did for me anyways. I literally for years have been chocking on my emotions. I noticed it in church a few weeks ago when I wanted to cry but would not let myself be THAT emotional and my throat started throbbing like "I need to get this out." Or when I'm with my husband and feel this deep need to cry but something in my head says "you're just way too emotional" I'm sure each of you has had the same experience. You want to cry but you just can't or maybe you're so hardened to emotions you don't even know what crying feels like anymore because it happens so rarely.

I'm starting to slowly learn that "you're too emotional" is simply a lie straight from the pit of hell. Yes, there are times when our emotions can lead us to sins like self-pity or hatred or bitterness. However, emotions in general are not a bad thing. When I think about it I'm not sure what it even means when someone says "you're too emotional". I certainly think that if anyone is telling you that, they're probably scared of emotions in general or just don't want to "deal" with yours.

 So lets rebuke that lie in Jesus' name. Because I can tell you the Lord would never say that you are too emotional. He says the opposite: He tells us that He puts our tears in His bottle and He takes account of them in His book.(psalm 56:8) He tells us that He weeps with us and when Jesus walked the earth I can guarantee He was FULL of emotions and it was a beautiful thing. As women we were made to reflect the heart of God in such a unique way and that includes full ranges of emotions. Don't let the enemy tell you anything else. Rejoice in your emotions and bring each one of them to the Father of Lights and let them be sanctified in His Truth and Love for you.

you will be like those who dream. psalms.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of going to Ireland. I knew it would not be possible but there was still a giddy yearning in my heart of the day I could see the cliffs of Moher or pretty castles on a hill. I would dream big dreams that were beautiful and vibrant and hopeful. Yet my heart was breaking, the real world wasn’t like my dreams. It felt more like a nightmare sometimes. There were so many years of hurting, wishing, begging God to free me from pains that felt un healable, and scars that just seemed too deep; they would always be there holding me down, chocking out the life and joy from me. Years of bitterness, depression and quite frankly hatred followed me as I grew up wondering why God would allow bad things to happen to me, not finding Him. I would run to alcohol, boys, anything to cure the pain. None of them cared, they just stole more joy and life from me.  I remember laying on my bed many times at 11, 14, 16 and crying out to my Father. Begging him to just comfort me. He would always point me to verses like:

"When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion,

we were like those who dream. 

Then our mouth was filled with laughter

and our tongue with joyful shouting; those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, 

shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

(Psalm 126:1)

 or

"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance"

(psalm 32:7)

I really didn't believe or even understand the verses that the Lord would show me during those times. He was going to heal me? He was going to protect me? One day I would be like those who dream and my mouth would be filled with laughter? Yeah right...that seemed impossible. Oh but it is possible with Him. I have learned in the past few years over tears being shed, over years of friends that never left my side and showed me how to trust, over a sweet husband who loves me and protects me more than I had ever dreamed. I learned that the Lord does have good for me. I am in a season of joy I feel like the captive ones of Zion who are like those who dream and my heart is filled with laughter that I sometimes can't really control...I'm not saying life is perfect by any means, I still have hard days and am still healing, but I have never felt more safe, more healed, more joyful, more loved by people and the Lord. I have never felt so free. 

If you are in a season where it seems life will never change, you'll always be hurting, you'll always be struggling, you'll always be single, you'll always be depressed and anxious...it's not true. That's just another lie from satan. Take it from someone who is healing a lot, who is joyful, who is like those who dreamed. You will come out on the other side and God will return your wasted years. Trust Him, press into Him...He has so much for you sweet child of God. Let Him speak this to your heart:

I know your wishing

I know your wanting

I know your waiting to be rescued

I weep with you

How I love you

I keep My hand right on you

You will be like those who dreamed

I died so you could be free

From the hell, from your captivity

You will reap songs of joy carrying your sheaves

Behind you of precious fruit that they cannot steal

Cause on your heart I've sealed; My holy spirit

Your constant guide

He will comfort

He intercedes

He reminds you that I will never leave

So rest your head child

I’m right here, I’ll see you through these years

I’ve never failed you, I never will

Just wait in My arms, trust Me and be still

Here is a picture I took while I was in Ireland on my honeymoon at the cliffs of Moher with the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen my Heavenly Daddy create. My husband got it framed for me as a Christmas gift and it sits in our living room. It is not just a picture to me, it is a symbol that God does have good for us, He will never leave, He wants to heal us and He (believe it or not) wants our dreams and desires to come true like any Good Daddy does...

eat from the Tree of Life. genesis.

So I decided, about a week ago, to read through the bible front to back. I’m only on Genesis 6 so don’t start praising me for anything. I’ve tried reading through the whole bible before but I always get so bored at Leviticus that I give up… I might end up grazing through it this time too, but I think God will have grace on me. Anyways, as I was reading through Genesis 3 last week something so cool caught my attention and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head (thus why I’m writing this.) As you know the story goes that God told Adam "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die."
However, Eve was curious and satan was crafty and you know the story…she ate the apple and she gave it to her husband who was right there with her… and then everything went down the tubes. But, as God drives them out of the garden He says something to the Son and Holy Spirit that I never caught before...


 “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—  therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life." Genesis 3:22-24


 According to this verse- if Adam had just taken from the Tree of Life in the first place, the Tree he was free to eat from, He would have lived forever. However, Adam and Eve desired to know good and evil instead of trust the Lord and live forever with Him. I can’t help but see the tree of the knowledge of good and evil as a foreshadow of the Law and the Tree of Life as a foreshadow of Jesus. God was always offering Adam to eat from the tree of Life and have relationship with the Father and let the Father provide for Him and love Him and walk with Him in the garden. However, Adam and Eve chose to know good and bad, they desired to know right and wrong, do good and not bad so they could be like God. God always just wanted them to trust Him and eat from the right Tree.

Just as He desires for my heart everyday. He says “Gwen are you going to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and try to do right and wrong to please Me or have a good standard of yourself? Or are you going to eat from the Tree of Life that I freely offer you in Jesus, are you going to trust that I don’t want anything from you but to be with Me, that I'll never harm you or leave you? Are you going to trust Me when I offer Jesus as your substitution and that none of your works will ever satisfy Me?”

So today my heart responds with a joyful yes, I’ll eat from the Tree of Life, The Living Bread, I’ll eat from Jesus who freely offers me new life and a sweet sweet relationship with Him. I hope you eat from this Tree too. 

michael. Jesus. receiving love.

Woah, I have not written in a year! My life has been so different in the past year. But different in the most wonderful of ways. I met a man. Not just any man but the one the Lord has been preparing my heart for since I was little. He is patient, he is kind, and he is such a reflection of Christ to my heart. I can remember years of waiting for him and tears of why the Lord was not giving me the desires of my heart. But He did, He does. I will tell you it is wonderful to be in love because it is, but I will also tell you it is one of the most messy, hard and healing relationships you will ever have.

This past week I have seen my inability to trust or to be loved by others. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that anyone is for me and that my loving fiancé Mike is for me. But he is. Though I don't believe it at times, he is so for me and so loves me... He writes me letters almost everyday, he hugs me and covers me with kisses, he's gracious and patient, Hes slow to anger even when I'm not, He makes sure I feel safe and protected. Yet somehow i still can't always believe He really loves me. How foolish! Yet, this is just a reflection of my relationship with the Lord.

I often think The Lord is against me, He's a distant unloving Father, He's mad at my past sins, He can't be trusted and thus I am left to my own devices and control of everything. However He writes me love notes everyday like Mike does. They are just in the form of sunrises, comforting words from a friend, kisses from babies, laughter, moments of peace after prayer, beautiful words at the perfect time like "I have loved you with an everlasting love" or "I have called you, you are Mine.", even hard days are His grace, when I know He is drawing me to Himself. He woos and pursues me every single day and I see it for a second but brush it away as if it isn't for me and He can't love me. But He does. He sent His Son because He loved me and so He could love me despite my flesh and become one with me! That is love. True love. I pray for grace for me and you to believe it.

Receive His love today that He so longs to give you sweet child of God.

Jesus. watchman nee. thoughts.

i figured since this is my last week home before school starts up again, i should blog a little. wow it's been forever.

lately, I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me. i just got back from a trip down to Chatanooga, TN with a group of wonderful college students who love Jesus. it was a time of refreshment and growth. also, I've been reading a book called 'The Normal Christian Life' by Watchman Nee. sounds a little boring but it is one of those books that makes things click in your mind and heart about all that Jesus has done for you. i encourage you to read it.

through these little events over break and through sweet communion with Jesus I have learned a few things...


1. i love the south.

2. i have been crucified with Christ...literally. 'I no longer live, Christ lives through me'(galatians 2:20)...woah.

3. white chocolate covered oreo truffles are the BEST.

4. God is always in the business of redemption and reconciliation.

5. i can't wait to be done with school and travel somewhere beautiful and green (by God's grace.)

6. i have way too many fears, including life after graduation but when Christ is big in my mind, my fears are not.

7. i am so excited for my brother to be a dad, and so excited to be an aunt!

8. all my planning really doesn't matter, but my desires do matter. His will is where our desires and the world's needs meet... Can't wait to see what that is!

9. i love my family.

10. i love my friends

11. i am so blessed.

that's it. Blessings to you in 2012!

tim keller. john. joy

So, my summer looks very different from summers before. I'm currently living in Minneapolis, doing school work, nannying, leading a bible study, and soon enough will be doing some work with a shelter for abuse victims...and in between singing and playing guitar. My life is spuratic, random, and sometimes mundane. But honestly I love it. This is a glimpse into what real life looks like after college. Hard, at times, busy, monotonous but good.

I just got done leading bible study. In it we are doing Tim Keller's book 'Gospel in Life.' Honestly, I was apathetic towards doing this bible study at first and didn't think I'd have the time or joy to do it. However, it is giving me more joy than I could ask for. Tim Keller talks about our city in the first chapter and how important it is to reach out to them. He mentions that sometimes we need the city for our spiritual growth more than the city needs us. The city being anyone that is around you, that needs Jesus of course...So, the people around me are the kids I'm nannying, the girls I'm discipling, the parents I work for, the shelter, and of course Rodger...the old man who lives next door and loves to garden. These are the people God has given me to share Jesus with, these are the souls that are searching for something that only Jesus can fill and I must tell them and love them, for their joy AND my own. I was reading through John 15 the other day and though, these verses take forever to unpack I'm sure. Jesus taught my heart something.

in John 15:9-12 Jesus says this...

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Jesus tells us to abide in His love, so that we can obey His command (love one another...) so that HIS joy may be in us and our joy may be FULL.

When we reach out to the city around us, or simply the people Jesus has put in our sphere to disciple or evangelize to, our joy becomes FULL. He paid the ultimate sacrifice as He laid down His life for us and now He tells us to love others and lay down our lives for others also...for our own good and well being. Because true JOY is found in Jesus and in sharing His love with others around us...

I think I am going to talk to Rodger about his garden tomorrow...

paul. david. isaiah. redhead.

Lately life has been 'confusing' to put it simply. Perhaps 'unsatisfying' could be another term. Either way, life is not turning out the way my stubborn firey redheaded mind would have planned for it to look at twenty years of age. By now I should have everything I wanted and be completely satisfied and content, and have a clear and good direction for my life. That's what the Lord owes me right? I spend my life following Him, He gives me blessings? right? Oh how easily I twist His truth and the living-breathing Word of God. He does not owe me anything. Quite honestly, He doesn't even owe me life or eternal life or abundant life, because I was a sinner bound for hell, but His loving heart rescued me and now I am saved by grace and given His righteousness along with every blessing in the heavenly places. (ephesians 1:3) through His son, Jesus Christ.

At times, when I am hurting or confused or stubborn and set on my own will. I simply need to look to Jesus. I was reading through psalms 85 the other day and came upon this verse:

“Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.”

My heart can't help but believe that these verses foreshadow the beauty of what Jesus Christ displayed on the cross, where righteousness kissed peace and truth and mercy were joined together. Perhaps, when we gaze upon that treasure, mystery, and wonder, the things of this world will grow strangely dim and we will be filled with the One who owes us nothing, but gave us EVERYTHING...

as it says in the sweet verses of Isaiah 61:
I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.


as a bride adorns herself, let me adorn myself with the jewels of Your salvation and rejoice greatly in Your love. for there, alone, will I be completely satisfied...

love. grandpa. grandma. c.s. lewis. jesus.

When I was home for Christmas break I spent the day with my grandparents. I just did their daily routine with them. Went to the YMCA where my grandma Dorothy leads water aerobics. While my grandpa patiently sat outside and did crossword puzzles...

I know this scenario doesn't seem that romantic but, lately, the Lord has been slowly teaching me glimpses of true love. True love is romantic yes, so romantic, but it is also everything that my grandparents have. My grandpa daily and consistently drives my grandma to the YMCA and waits patiently outside. While my grandma makes sure that grandpa sticks to his vegan diet so his blood sugar doesn't get too high while were out at applebees. If this is not love I don't know what is. Choosing to make sure that the other person has the best they can have. Choosing to lay down selfish comforts to make sure the other person is comfortable. Choosing to passionately kiss one another after 50 years together. Choosing to take up their cross so that the other person doesn't have to...

As C.S. Lewis puts it so well:

'Love is selflessly choosing for another's highest good'

If we want to see true love we look at the cross. A mighty Man comes and sees a beautiful bride that he wants to wed to Himself, but He is too holy and good to be with such a wayward wife. So their must be a sacrifice. He lays down His own life, so that His bride can be His for eternity...

oh if we could even slightly mirror this type of passionate-selfless love in our modern marriages, how beautiful it would be...

And Your heart beats in mine
Once again You show me paradise
And all that it holds
for it is light that makes everything visible.
"Awake, O sleeper, rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
behold You are making all things new
You cause my heart to gaze on You
as a faith-filled child
You cause my soul to smile
In the midst of pain
You’re the Truth and Life
And the Way
Deep calls to deep at the sound
of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves over me have rolled
and yet You command Your lovingkindness in the daytime
And Your song is with me each night
You are the God of my very breath and life.
You daily remind me of the day
You bore my sin and pain
That I would use to spit in Your face
Yet Your eyes shine on me with grace
and You call me Your beloved
tell me I’m beautiful and lacking of nothing
Purer than the whitest snow
Righteous I know
You’re love oh God has set me free
Your Son made me what I was meant to be
now Your heart beats in mine
and once again You show me Paradise...

car accidents. God's grace.

Well this last week has been an adventure to say the least...
The past month was a hard month and I've been praying that the Lord would break me down in the midst of it and bring me closer to Him. A scary prayer I know. I asked if there was anything hindering our relationship. He very lovingly told me that facebook was taking my affections and time that would be best used worshiping Him, for my good and His glory.
So I deactivated facebook and have been fervently praying for a new job. I got an e-mail randomly from a girl saying that she needed a nanny and asked if I could meet her last week. I very willingly met her and got the job along with another family in her building. I was praising the Lord for all He was doing. It seemed everything was coming together and I'd be able to pay bills on time and get all my groceries with these new jobs. I was becoming an independant woman...


Friday night I went to my nanny job at 7 pm and then came home from the ER at 3 am. I spun out coming up the ramp about 2 miles away from my dorm. A van smashed into me and I spun and hit the bridge. I sat in the car knowing that blood was all over my best friend's scarf that she had borrowed me, and for some reason that was my biggest concern at the time haha. However, I realized my car was completely turned around and in the middle of traffic so the Lord gave me the mind to get out of the unsafe vehicle and put my flashers on. I got to the hospital and they cleaned up my cuts and said I had a minor concussion so I might be out of it for a while.
I'm feeling better but, indeed, a little out of it along with a small on-going headache. The biggest bump to the head is realizing my utter dependance on the Lord. He's is taking my self-reliant flesh and slowly stripping things away and making me cling to Him. The Giver of Life and Life more abundant. The One who is all and holds all things together. He provided these jobs. He can take them away. He allowed me to have a car to get to the jobs. He can take it away. However, He has already been so faithful to me... the girl that is discipling me is currently in Birmingham, Alabama for her job so I have been able to use her car for the week to get to and from my jobs. I'm not sure how the Lord will provide transportation for next week but I'm excited to see.


Even if He doesn't, I love Him and He is so good to me. I am not on this earth to attain wealth and have a car and become an independant woman. I'm on this earth because my heavenly Father placed me here for a little while to serve and know Him until I get to see Him face to face where there will be no more car accidents and no more tears only the greatest Joy and Love I have ever longed for...my Jesus.


He felt the deepest hurt and pain any human ever will and died on a bloody cross for me, there is no reason I should not be willing to follow Him even if it means experiencing pain or a slightly bloody car accident or unsurity of the future.
For a second I may ask is the Lord being good to me? Why would He allow such trivial trials? Then He lovingly reminds me:
"your present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to you... I who did not spare My own Son, but gave him up for all—how will I not also, along with him, graciously give you all things?" (Romans 8)

I know that anything that is good for me, He will give me. Even if what is good for me is nothing but Him.

yearn. shane bernard. bethany dillon

c.s lewis. paul.

I was driving back to school last week to finish up classes in Minnesota. and I was stuck in slow moving traffic, but it was worth it because i saw this view



this picture was taken with a camera phone, but to see this in person made you want to stop everything you were doing and just behold it. I literally pulled over my car at the next rest stop and just stared at the sun setting. too lovely for words.

in the Magicians Nephew c.s. lewis says this:

"The earth was of many colors: they were fresh, hot and vivid. they made you feel excited; until you saw the Singer Himself, and then you forgot everything else, but Him."

in colossians Paul says: Christ...existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through Him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can't see...and He hold's all creation together. colossians 1:15-17

sometimes the Lord gives us breath-taking sights to behold in the middle of traffic jams to remind us that there is something far more important than this temporary life. Him. and if sights on earth are this beautiful and glorious how much more wonderful is He to behold...

octavius winslow. paul

how very precious it is to know that even when we don't understand our pain or what to pray before the Lord. He knows what we need and His Spirit intercedes for us.
The Lord who laid down His life for us, intercedes for us. He sympathizes with us. He's always there waiting patiently for our prayers and for us to seek Him in all circumstances. what a sweet Abba we have..


In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
romans 8

"Believer! Jesus loves that heart of yours. He purchased it with his own heart's blood, agonies, and tears—and He loves it. It is His temple, His home, His censer, and never can it approach Him in prayer, but He is prepared to accept both the censer and incense with a complacency and delight which finds its best expression in the language of His own word, "I will accept you with your sweet savor." And what shall we say of the fragrance of this incense? Oh, how much have we yet to learn of the intrinsic sweetness of real prayer! We can but imperfectly conceive the fragrance there must be to God in the breathing of the Divine Spirit in the heart of a poor sinner. It is perhaps but a groan—a sigh—a tear—a look—but it is the utterance of the heart; and God can hear the voice of our weeping, and interpret the language of our desires, when the lips utter not a word; so fragrant to Him is the incense of prayer. "Lord, all my desire is before You, and my groaning is not hidden from You."

-octavius winslow

leslie ludy.

"the godly young men I've spoken with believe that if young women started keeping their standards high rather than settling for mediocre men, guys would be forced to make serious changes to their masculinity. And even if you are mocked, ridiculed or ignored because of your stand, you can be sure that God will honor your decision. He paid for the treasure of your heart with His own blood. You disregard His amazing sacrifice for you when you allow your feminity to be trampled in the mud. You are a daughter of the King, so hold out for a man who has royal blood coursing through his strong veins....
Leslie Ludy"

dietrich bonhoeffer.

This is from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book Life Together. He talks about christian community and what it really means to love one another. I can't help but completely agree...

"In their freedom from me, other persons want to be loved for who they are, as those for whom Christ became a human being, died, and rose again, as those for whom Christ won the forgiveness of sins and prepared eternal life….

Self-centered love construct it’s own image of other persons, about what they are and what they should become. It takes the life of the other person into it’s own hands. Spiritual love recognizes the true image of the other person as seen from the perspective of Jesus Christ. It is the image Jesus Christ has formed and wants to form in all people.

Spiritual love will prove successful insofar as it commends Christ to the others in all that it says and does. It will not seek to agitate another by exerting all too personal, direct influence or by crudely interfering in one’s life. It will not take pleasure in pious, emotional fervor and excitement. Rather, it will encounter the other with the clear Word of God and be prepared to leave the other alone with this word for a long time. It will be willing to release others again so that Christ may deal with them. It will respect the other as the boundary that Christ establishes between us; and it will find full community with the other in the Christ who alone binds us together. This spiritual love will thus speak to Christ about the other Christian more than to the other Christian about Christ. It knows that the most direct way to others is always through prayer to Christ and that love of another is completely tied to the Truth found in Christ. It is out of this love that John the disciple speaks: ‘I have no greater joy that this, to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 john 4)

david. paul. c.s. lewis. war.

i have heard so many people telling me lately of all the lies and accusations they have been believing:
"i am worthless"
"i am not a good RA."
"i am not adequate to finish school."
"i'm an alcohalic"
"i am single and unloved."
"i'm sinful."

c.s. lewis said in the Last Battle:

"...and then she understood the devilish cunning of the enemies' plan. by mixing a little truth with it he had made the lie far stronger."

the truth is that these statements in themselves are not necessarily lies. they have a bit of truth mixed with them.
"i am worthless on my own BUT God has given me immense worth and has paid for my life with His."
"I am not a good RA BUT God is good and will do the good work He started and use me for His kingdom."
"i am not adequate on my own to finish school BUT He is so strong in my weaknesses."
"i'm an alcohalic right now BUT i have a High Priest who sympathizes and will help me even in this temptation"
"i'm single BUT i am Loved far greater than any spouse could ever love me."
"i'm sinful BUT because of Christ i am righteous!!!"


David talks about accusations in the psalms...

For my enemies speak concerning me;
those who watch for my life consult together
and say, "God has forsaken him;
pursue and seize him,
for there is none to deliver him."
May my accusers be put to shame and consumed;
with scorn and disgrace may they be covered
who seek my hurt.

[He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him on the cross. Colossians 2:15]

But I will hope continually
and will praise you yet more and more.
I will remind them of Your righteousness
of Yours alone.
Psalm 71

David knows that he is inadequate, he is sinful, he has no good on his own. but the Spirit of God was upon him which has been freely given to us by the cross. and when the Spirit was upon him, he knew he could claim God's righteousness and God's alone. Then, all his accusors would be put to shame. put to open shame. your accusors, namely: Satan has been put to open shame by the blood of the cross. no longer fear and no longer listen to those lies. fight them with Truth. claim His righteousness not your own. but His, His will never fail in the battle against accusations...
you are bought with blood. rejoice Beloved child of God and praise Him yet more and more...

zephaniah. charles spurgeon

i was seeking advice from a friend a few months ago, having a hard time understanding that God loves me, that He died for me. with how selfish and unloving i can be, with all of my unfaithfulness towards Him. i believed that He was putting me through trials because of what a bad job i was doing at being a Christian, at being His daughter. this isn't the gospel, but i was believing lies and so she told me this: "My husband loves our one-year old daughter. sometimes our daughter can be stubborn and not want to go to sleep. she doesn't know when she needs to eat. she is rebellious and throws temper tantrums, but Paul(the husband) will always unconditionally love her." she explains further, "every night before she goes to sleep, Paul goes in to say goodnight. He makes up little songs for her every night to put her to sleep and he gets so excited to sing them for her. he gets to remind her how much daddy loves her"

the daughter doesn't understand the songs. she's only one. she doesn't understand that when her daddy tells her it's time for bed, it's because he loves her and wants her to stay healthy. just as we don't realize that our heavenly Father puts us through trials and times that seem unfair, to the point where we want to throw a one-year old tantrum, because He DEEPLY loves us. He wants to make us into what He intended us to be, 'mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (ephesians 4:13) sometimes that means we have to do what Daddy tells us to do, simply because He is our Sovereign Father and He indeed always knows what is the very best for us.

in the midst of struggles we can remember this because of what Christ did on the cross"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." zephaniah 3:17

How heart-cheering to the believer is the delight which God has in his saints! We cannot see any reason in ourselves why the Lord should take pleasure in us; we cannot take delight in ourselves, for we often have to groan, being burdened; conscious of our sinfulness, and deploring our unfaithfulness; and we fear that God’s people cannot take much delight in us, for they must perceive so much of our imperfections and our follies, that they may rather lament our infirmities than admire our graces. But we love to dwell upon this transcendent truth, this glorious mystery: that as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so does the Lord rejoice over us.”

charles spurgeon

tony evans.

i'm currently reading The Promise by Tony Evans. in this book He talks about the Holy Spirit's presence, purpose and provision. There is a section on the purpose of the Holy Spirit...

"The Holy Spirit has one overarching goal. if you want to sum up what the Holy Spirit is about, He is about glorifying Christ. What do I mean by glorifying christ? the Spirit advertises Christ. He puts Jesus Christ on display. The Spirit does not put Himself on display, He does not even speak on His own initiative. His job is to glorify Christ. So whenever you have anything that transcends the priority of Jesus Christ, it is not the Holy Spirit's doing. Anytime there is an emphasis on the Spirit that supersedes the crentrality and priority of Jesus Christ, it is not the Holy Spirit doing it.
The Holy spirit is not here to advertise Himself. His goal is to advertise Christ, to make us God's advertising agency by working in our hearts in such a way that our lives magnify the Person of Christ, The Spirit is busy making Jesus preeminant."
-Tony Evans

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. He shall glorify Me; for He shall take of Mine, and shall disclose it to you. john 16:13-14

amen.