Well this last week has been an adventure to say the least...
The past month was a hard month and I've been praying that the Lord would break me down in the midst of it and bring me closer to Him. A scary prayer I know. I asked if there was anything hindering our relationship. He very lovingly told me that facebook was taking my affections and time that would be best used worshiping Him, for my good and His glory.
So I deactivated facebook and have been fervently praying for a new job. I got an e-mail randomly from a girl saying that she needed a nanny and asked if I could meet her last week. I very willingly met her and got the job along with another family in her building. I was praising the Lord for all He was doing. It seemed everything was coming together and I'd be able to pay bills on time and get all my groceries with these new jobs. I was becoming an independant woman...
Friday night I went to my nanny job at 7 pm and then came home from the ER at 3 am. I spun out coming up the ramp about 2 miles away from my dorm. A van smashed into me and I spun and hit the bridge. I sat in the car knowing that blood was all over my best friend's scarf that she had borrowed me, and for some reason that was my biggest concern at the time haha. However, I realized my car was completely turned around and in the middle of traffic so the Lord gave me the mind to get out of the unsafe vehicle and put my flashers on. I got to the hospital and they cleaned up my cuts and said I had a minor concussion so I might be out of it for a while.
I'm feeling better but, indeed, a little out of it along with a small on-going headache. The biggest bump to the head is realizing my utter dependance on the Lord. He's is taking my self-reliant flesh and slowly stripping things away and making me cling to Him. The Giver of Life and Life more abundant. The One who is all and holds all things together. He provided these jobs. He can take them away. He allowed me to have a car to get to the jobs. He can take it away. However, He has already been so faithful to me... the girl that is discipling me is currently in Birmingham, Alabama for her job so I have been able to use her car for the week to get to and from my jobs. I'm not sure how the Lord will provide transportation for next week but I'm excited to see.
Even if He doesn't, I love Him and He is so good to me. I am not on this earth to attain wealth and have a car and become an independant woman. I'm on this earth because my heavenly Father placed me here for a little while to serve and know Him until I get to see Him face to face where there will be no more car accidents and no more tears only the greatest Joy and Love I have ever longed for...my Jesus.
He felt the deepest hurt and pain any human ever will and died on a bloody cross for me, there is no reason I should not be willing to follow Him even if it means experiencing pain or a slightly bloody car accident or unsurity of the future.
For a second I may ask is the Lord being good to me? Why would He allow such trivial trials? Then He lovingly reminds me:
"your present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to you... I who did not spare My own Son, but gave him up for all—how will I not also, along with him, graciously give you all things?" (Romans 8)
I know that anything that is good for me, He will give me. Even if what is good for me is nothing but Him.
