tim keller. john. joy

So, my summer looks very different from summers before. I'm currently living in Minneapolis, doing school work, nannying, leading a bible study, and soon enough will be doing some work with a shelter for abuse victims...and in between singing and playing guitar. My life is spuratic, random, and sometimes mundane. But honestly I love it. This is a glimpse into what real life looks like after college. Hard, at times, busy, monotonous but good.

I just got done leading bible study. In it we are doing Tim Keller's book 'Gospel in Life.' Honestly, I was apathetic towards doing this bible study at first and didn't think I'd have the time or joy to do it. However, it is giving me more joy than I could ask for. Tim Keller talks about our city in the first chapter and how important it is to reach out to them. He mentions that sometimes we need the city for our spiritual growth more than the city needs us. The city being anyone that is around you, that needs Jesus of course...So, the people around me are the kids I'm nannying, the girls I'm discipling, the parents I work for, the shelter, and of course Rodger...the old man who lives next door and loves to garden. These are the people God has given me to share Jesus with, these are the souls that are searching for something that only Jesus can fill and I must tell them and love them, for their joy AND my own. I was reading through John 15 the other day and though, these verses take forever to unpack I'm sure. Jesus taught my heart something.

in John 15:9-12 Jesus says this...

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Jesus tells us to abide in His love, so that we can obey His command (love one another...) so that HIS joy may be in us and our joy may be FULL.

When we reach out to the city around us, or simply the people Jesus has put in our sphere to disciple or evangelize to, our joy becomes FULL. He paid the ultimate sacrifice as He laid down His life for us and now He tells us to love others and lay down our lives for others also...for our own good and well being. Because true JOY is found in Jesus and in sharing His love with others around us...

I think I am going to talk to Rodger about his garden tomorrow...

paul. david. isaiah. redhead.

Lately life has been 'confusing' to put it simply. Perhaps 'unsatisfying' could be another term. Either way, life is not turning out the way my stubborn firey redheaded mind would have planned for it to look at twenty years of age. By now I should have everything I wanted and be completely satisfied and content, and have a clear and good direction for my life. That's what the Lord owes me right? I spend my life following Him, He gives me blessings? right? Oh how easily I twist His truth and the living-breathing Word of God. He does not owe me anything. Quite honestly, He doesn't even owe me life or eternal life or abundant life, because I was a sinner bound for hell, but His loving heart rescued me and now I am saved by grace and given His righteousness along with every blessing in the heavenly places. (ephesians 1:3) through His son, Jesus Christ.

At times, when I am hurting or confused or stubborn and set on my own will. I simply need to look to Jesus. I was reading through psalms 85 the other day and came upon this verse:

“Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.”

My heart can't help but believe that these verses foreshadow the beauty of what Jesus Christ displayed on the cross, where righteousness kissed peace and truth and mercy were joined together. Perhaps, when we gaze upon that treasure, mystery, and wonder, the things of this world will grow strangely dim and we will be filled with the One who owes us nothing, but gave us EVERYTHING...

as it says in the sweet verses of Isaiah 61:
I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.


as a bride adorns herself, let me adorn myself with the jewels of Your salvation and rejoice greatly in Your love. for there, alone, will I be completely satisfied...

love. grandpa. grandma. c.s. lewis. jesus.

When I was home for Christmas break I spent the day with my grandparents. I just did their daily routine with them. Went to the YMCA where my grandma Dorothy leads water aerobics. While my grandpa patiently sat outside and did crossword puzzles...

I know this scenario doesn't seem that romantic but, lately, the Lord has been slowly teaching me glimpses of true love. True love is romantic yes, so romantic, but it is also everything that my grandparents have. My grandpa daily and consistently drives my grandma to the YMCA and waits patiently outside. While my grandma makes sure that grandpa sticks to his vegan diet so his blood sugar doesn't get too high while were out at applebees. If this is not love I don't know what is. Choosing to make sure that the other person has the best they can have. Choosing to lay down selfish comforts to make sure the other person is comfortable. Choosing to passionately kiss one another after 50 years together. Choosing to take up their cross so that the other person doesn't have to...

As C.S. Lewis puts it so well:

'Love is selflessly choosing for another's highest good'

If we want to see true love we look at the cross. A mighty Man comes and sees a beautiful bride that he wants to wed to Himself, but He is too holy and good to be with such a wayward wife. So their must be a sacrifice. He lays down His own life, so that His bride can be His for eternity...

oh if we could even slightly mirror this type of passionate-selfless love in our modern marriages, how beautiful it would be...

And Your heart beats in mine
Once again You show me paradise
And all that it holds
for it is light that makes everything visible.
"Awake, O sleeper, rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
behold You are making all things new
You cause my heart to gaze on You
as a faith-filled child
You cause my soul to smile
In the midst of pain
You’re the Truth and Life
And the Way
Deep calls to deep at the sound
of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves over me have rolled
and yet You command Your lovingkindness in the daytime
And Your song is with me each night
You are the God of my very breath and life.
You daily remind me of the day
You bore my sin and pain
That I would use to spit in Your face
Yet Your eyes shine on me with grace
and You call me Your beloved
tell me I’m beautiful and lacking of nothing
Purer than the whitest snow
Righteous I know
You’re love oh God has set me free
Your Son made me what I was meant to be
now Your heart beats in mine
and once again You show me Paradise...

car accidents. God's grace.

Well this last week has been an adventure to say the least...
The past month was a hard month and I've been praying that the Lord would break me down in the midst of it and bring me closer to Him. A scary prayer I know. I asked if there was anything hindering our relationship. He very lovingly told me that facebook was taking my affections and time that would be best used worshiping Him, for my good and His glory.
So I deactivated facebook and have been fervently praying for a new job. I got an e-mail randomly from a girl saying that she needed a nanny and asked if I could meet her last week. I very willingly met her and got the job along with another family in her building. I was praising the Lord for all He was doing. It seemed everything was coming together and I'd be able to pay bills on time and get all my groceries with these new jobs. I was becoming an independant woman...


Friday night I went to my nanny job at 7 pm and then came home from the ER at 3 am. I spun out coming up the ramp about 2 miles away from my dorm. A van smashed into me and I spun and hit the bridge. I sat in the car knowing that blood was all over my best friend's scarf that she had borrowed me, and for some reason that was my biggest concern at the time haha. However, I realized my car was completely turned around and in the middle of traffic so the Lord gave me the mind to get out of the unsafe vehicle and put my flashers on. I got to the hospital and they cleaned up my cuts and said I had a minor concussion so I might be out of it for a while.
I'm feeling better but, indeed, a little out of it along with a small on-going headache. The biggest bump to the head is realizing my utter dependance on the Lord. He's is taking my self-reliant flesh and slowly stripping things away and making me cling to Him. The Giver of Life and Life more abundant. The One who is all and holds all things together. He provided these jobs. He can take them away. He allowed me to have a car to get to the jobs. He can take it away. However, He has already been so faithful to me... the girl that is discipling me is currently in Birmingham, Alabama for her job so I have been able to use her car for the week to get to and from my jobs. I'm not sure how the Lord will provide transportation for next week but I'm excited to see.


Even if He doesn't, I love Him and He is so good to me. I am not on this earth to attain wealth and have a car and become an independant woman. I'm on this earth because my heavenly Father placed me here for a little while to serve and know Him until I get to see Him face to face where there will be no more car accidents and no more tears only the greatest Joy and Love I have ever longed for...my Jesus.


He felt the deepest hurt and pain any human ever will and died on a bloody cross for me, there is no reason I should not be willing to follow Him even if it means experiencing pain or a slightly bloody car accident or unsurity of the future.
For a second I may ask is the Lord being good to me? Why would He allow such trivial trials? Then He lovingly reminds me:
"your present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to you... I who did not spare My own Son, but gave him up for all—how will I not also, along with him, graciously give you all things?" (Romans 8)

I know that anything that is good for me, He will give me. Even if what is good for me is nothing but Him.

yearn. shane bernard. bethany dillon