Woah, I have not written in a year! My life has been so different in the past year. But different in the most wonderful of ways. I met a man. Not just any man but the one the Lord has been preparing my heart for since I was little. He is patient, he is kind, and he is such a reflection of Christ to my heart. I can remember years of waiting for him and tears of why the Lord was not giving me the desires of my heart. But He did, He does. I will tell you it is wonderful to be in love because it is, but I will also tell you it is one of the most messy, hard and healing relationships you will ever have.
This past week I have seen my inability to trust or to be loved by others. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that anyone is for me and that my loving fiancé Mike is for me. But he is. Though I don't believe it at times, he is so for me and so loves me... He writes me letters almost everyday, he hugs me and covers me with kisses, he's gracious and patient, Hes slow to anger even when I'm not, He makes sure I feel safe and protected. Yet somehow i still can't always believe He really loves me. How foolish! Yet, this is just a reflection of my relationship with the Lord.
I often think The Lord is against me, He's a distant unloving Father, He's mad at my past sins, He can't be trusted and thus I am left to my own devices and control of everything. However He writes me love notes everyday like Mike does. They are just in the form of sunrises, comforting words from a friend, kisses from babies, laughter, moments of peace after prayer, beautiful words at the perfect time like "I have loved you with an everlasting love" or "I have called you, you are Mine.", even hard days are His grace, when I know He is drawing me to Himself. He woos and pursues me every single day and I see it for a second but brush it away as if it isn't for me and He can't love me. But He does. He sent His Son because He loved me and so He could love me despite my flesh and become one with me! That is love. True love. I pray for grace for me and you to believe it.
Receive His love today that He so longs to give you sweet child of God.
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