suffering and paul and cs lewis

as many others, i've dealt with my share of suffering in my life. in all honesty. the last time i shared my testimony in a group one of the girls came up to me and said "I hope you know you never deserved that form of suffering."

she's sweet and you could tell she just wanted to encourage me but it didn't land on me right.

now i know my Father does not want me to suffer He does not want any of His creation to suffer. but to say i don't deserve suffering?

as i remember "the wages of sin is death, but the FREE gift of God is eternal life."-Romans 6:23

because of my sin, i deserve suffering, more than that...i deserve death.


the truth is i have always claimed to be the victim, forgetting that all my sin victimized my Savior and put Him on the cross to carry the whole weight and sin of the world to be seperated from His Father.

this is weighty but this is true. we are entitled to nothing. i am entitled to nothing. i was not entitled to a pleasant, safe, beautiful life. i am grateful for the suffering i've been through, it makes me ever more joyful for all the blessings He graciously daily gives me and it makes me see His love for me even stronger...all that He endured for this fallen broken girl...what a Savior.

i was reading A Grief Observed this morning, which is C.S. Lewis' writings of grief and pain after his wife died. i read:

"Yet this is unendurable...[referring to pain and suffering]...but is it ever allowed?
It was allowed to One, we are told, and I find i can now believe again, that He has done vicariously whatever can be so done. He replies to our babble, 'You cannot and you dare not. I could and I dared.'"-C.S. Lewis

Christ allows some of us to suffer in different ways. but we will never fathom the suffering He endured for all of us.
so let's be rid of our sense of entitlement please. and be so joyful and thankful for the One who paid it all...so we wouldn't have to...